Transcript of AE 1075 - The Goss: Birds, Bats, & Why New Zealand's Fauna is So Weird

G'day, you mob. Pete here, and this is another episode of Aussie English. The number one place for anyone and everyone wanting to learn Australian English. So, today I have a Goss' episode for you where I sit down with my old man, my father, Ian Smissen, and we talk about the week's news whether locally down under here in Australia or non-locally overseas in other parts of the world.

Okay, and we sometimes also talk about whatever comes to mind, right. If we can think of something interesting to share with you guys related to us or Australia, we also talk about that in The Goss'. So, these episodes are specifically designed to try and give you content about many different topics where we're obviously speaking in English and there are multiple people having a natural and spontaneous conversation in English.

So, it is particularly good to improve your listening skills. In order to complement that, though, I really recommend that you join the podcast membership or the academy membership at AussieEnglish.com.au, where you will get access to the full transcripts of these episodes, the PDFs, the downloads, and you can also use the online PDF reader to read and listen at the same time.

Okay, so if you really, really want to improve your listening skills fast, get the transcript, listen and read at the same time, keep practising, and that is the quickest way to level up your English. Anyway, I've been rabbiting on a bit, I've been talking a bit. Let's just get into this episode, guys. Smack the bird, and let's get into it.

G'day, you mob. Welcome to The Goss'...

How's it going?

...Pete.

Yeah.

It's the dad and Pete show. Yeah.

They'll meet you in public and they'll be like, what's up, dad?

What's up, dad? Yeah. Well, as we said in the previous episode, dads don't have- All dads and all mums have the same first name.

That's it. So, what is the story? What's The Goss'?

Every year there's a- Well, every year for the last sort of 15 or 16 years, there has been Australia's favourite bird. And 50 birds get shortlisted by somebody, I don't know who and the list goes out, and then there's a popular vote for which one is to win. And this year's one came out about a week ago.

They go through a certain number of rounds, don't they? Where they knock out...

Yeah. It's the devil take the hindmost thing of, yeah, they drop the- The bottom 10 and then the voting continues and they drop the next 10 and eventually you get the top 10 and that becomes the final list.

So, the superb fairy wren.

Superb fairy wren...

Was this years.

...The blue wren as it has often been called.

Yeah, a lot of my friends were bummed out. They were hoping for either the tawny frogmouth, which I think came second...

It did.

...The pelican, which got chucked out a few rounds early.

Pelican dropped off fairly quickly. Yeah, so.

Yeah, so the superb fairy wren. Do you reckon it was a worthy winner?

Well, you know, they're all worthy winners because, you know, if you look at the top ten, they all have a reason to exist in the list. Some of them, I don't know whether you want to go through the whole list, but, well, certainly the top 10. But some of them are there because they're either rare or endangered and so on.

And so, they have some sort of esoteric value. Others are just there because everybody knows them, and certainly in South-Eastern Australia, everybody knows the superb fairy wren. Most people call it the blue wren.

Do you want to describe it for the listeners who may not know?

...Dark blue and light blue head on it, you know. Fairy wrens, little- Fairy wrens there about this sort of size, you know, 8 to 10 centimetres tall.

You can be pretty certain any animal that has the description fairy...

...Is small. Yes, exactly. The fairy elephant.

That's it. Exactly. They weren't big fairies. Fairies tended to be a little small, mythical creatures. But yeah, so the fairy wren won with 13 almost 14,000 votes...

Almost 14,000 votes.

Then we had the tawny frogmouth.

Tawny frogmouth. Yes.

The gang gang cockatoo. I could read out a few of these, and maybe we talk about favourite ones out of these. So, what do we got? The gang gang...

I voted for the gang gang Cockatoo.

...These are these cockatoos with red heads...

The males have red heads; adult males have red heads. Yeah.

The galah was fourth.

Yeah.

Australian brush turkey. I always thought bush turkey. They're a pain in the arse.

Yeah, from Queensland. They're- Well, just...

Raiding campgrounds. They're just giant chooks, basically, raiding campgrounds and backyards and...

You know that they taste horrible, right? Because they're clearly not...

Because they're still around. Yeah...

Exactly. No one's chucking them on the menu.

Yeah. Sorry for looking away, I'm reading off another screen.

Yeah, there were a few good ones, the regent honeyeater, the gordian...

That's an extremely endangered, they look like there's only, you know, 200-and-something birds left in the wild.

The gordian finch is beautiful. You can own these.

Yeah. Funnily enough, I was looking through these and I was thinking the only one of these birds that I have not photographed is the gordian finch.

They live in arid environments, don't they, in the north?

They live in...

Top end.

...Right there, in the top end, there in the top of Northern Territory. I haven't- I've never even seen one in the wild.

You don't have to see one in the wild, just get your camera, we can go to the pet store in Geelong, and they got them there. And take a photo...

Yeah, I know. It's not quite the same.

...Knock it off the list.

Not quite the same.

And we got the laughing...

The bars on the picture, looks like gordian finch in jail.

You'll have to just take like a little- You get a computer, put a different screen on it, hold it behind it and then just be like, boom, knock him off the list, dad.

...Off the list.

And what do we got? Laughing kookaburra, the magpie and the peregrine falcon.

Yes.

So, out of all these, which do you think should have been the winner?

Well, I voted for, so that probably gives me an inherent bias. I voted for the gang gang cockatoo just because they're one of my favourite birds there, and I've got a- For anybody who's interested, self-promotion. I've got a YouTube video on photographing gang gang cockatoos because they're just cute birds.

They have this really cool- All cockatoos have a really cool call. Some go from the completely raucous to others that are little more chatty. But the gang gang cockatoos sort of nickname is the squeaky door bird because they have this sort of call that goes... (attempts bird call).

I'll see if I can find it whilst you're talking about it, I'll see if I can get it up on YouTube and...

And because they're sexually dimorphic, which a lot of birds are not...

Do you want to explain what that means?

Yeah, it means that males and females, adult males and females look different. A lot of birds' sort of are, but they're miniscule, like galahs there's a, you know, change in eye colour between them. So, from a distance of more than about 10 metres, you couldn't tell a male from a female.

But gang gang cockatoos, the males have this really bright red head, and the females don't have the bright red head, but they have a breast and chest of sort of yellow and orange stripes.

So, they're really cool looking birds, and all parrots are cool, and cockatoos are great anyway, so they're one of my favourites.

See if I can play this from Tim Sigg's YouTube channel. I don't know if it'll- Is that playing? Can you hear that?

I can't. No.

Lame. It'll be playing through my speakers.

It'll be playing in the background. Yeah.

...Playing to you. What I can probably do cheekily...

Hey, I might be able to find one, so.

Hold on...

I can cheat, I can find it on my phone. That's probably copyright.

Hold on, wait. I've taken it off. Put on display audio. Yeah, they do sound like a squeaky door.

Yeah. They're really cool, and they don't tend to hang around in big flocks. But you often get sort of a pair, a male and a female or a family grouping if it's post-breeding because the young- Youngsters hang around for a while with the...

And so, you'll, you know, you'll find them just chatting to each other up the tops of trees. So, the view you typically get of a gang gang cockatoo is looking straight up its backside, which is not the most attractive view. But if you get them in low branches and things, they're really cute.

Yeah, they're pretty cool.

And they're our smallest cockatoo or smallest black cockatoo. The galahs a bit smaller, it's another cockatoo, but.

What's- So, they're interesting. So, the males of the colourful ones here, the red heads and the females are sort of just drab black.

Yeah, except they've got the orange and yellow stripes on their chests.

Okay, but it's the eclectus parrot, right, from North-eastern Australia that's the inverted. So, this is...

That's the inverted one. Yeah, the male is the green and the female is bright red and blue.

Yeah, I need to know more about- I need to look into the biology of these guys. But I do remember that being in one of these examples where generally the males are in animal species tend to be more colourful or exuberant, you know, like the Peacock is the classic example, right.

So, that it shows off all of its colours to the females, and it tends to be that quite often in the case of the peacock, having all these beautiful feathers is a massive burden to the animal. So, you know that any animal that has really good colours and really nice feathers has obviously done well at surviving and getting enough resources that it's going to be a good father.

I think there's- What's the other example? There's an American bird with a massive tail, right, that has like this metre long tail that it has to fly with through the air, and it's just a massive hindrance...

Yeah.

...For the bird. But the fact that it's a hindrance shows to other females that that bird, whichever bird has the longest tail, is obviously the fittest. It's so funny because these things are kind of redundant. Your kind of like, well, if it didn't have to have the tail, it'd be even fitter...

...Would actually do better.

Yeah, but the females wouldn't know which one to choose.

...It's about sexual selection is that in the case, in these cases where it's the females who are choosing males in order to reproduce, then the male has to be able to demonstrate their fitness and fitness in the biological sense of, you know, able to, you know, produce more offspring, more successful offspring means that they have to have that way of showing off.

So, the Peacock's tail, as you said, is a classic example of something that it's the biggest show off you can imagine. It's basically saying, choose me.

See me. Yeah.

Yeah.

So, for me, I don't know. I'd probably pick the magpie, man. It's funny, Kel and I have a love hate relationship with the magpie. Well, in general, but with the magpie, she hates them, and I see them as just phenomenal parents, that's being very protective.

Well, they're swooping birds. They'll actually swoop, and they literally attack people.

There was a photo going around the other day. I'll have to try and send it to... (inaudible) ...A guy was on his bike and his cheek was being pinched.

He's one of my Facebook friends, he's a local down here...

Oh, really?

Yeah, Pete Marinade.

Oh, it's so funny. So, yeah, he was... (both talking)

...I can't remember whether it was him because I just looked very quickly whether it was actually him, or whether it was a photo that, you know, he found. But I think it was him, so.

Yeah.

This bird just... (tear sound effect)

So, they are brutal.

I want to know how he got the shot. Riding your bike with your phone...

Well, I have a feeling that he knew that the bird was there, and he was like, I'm gonna try and get a good shot of me going past it. But it is funny, and it's- I wonder, I'll have to look into the stats. But last year there were probably more people or more humans died as a result of magpies than they did from crocodiles, because we had at least an old gentleman who fell off his bike after being swooped and died...

Yeah.

...Tragically.

...Baby that died...

And the baby, that's mum fell on it. Yeah, because the Magpie attacked it. And so, I kept saying to Kel, like if you go out and about just put something over the...

Over the pram.

...Over the pram. Yeah, exactly. Don't carry the baby in your arms, in swooping country.

Yes.

But it was...

It's a big thing in, yeah, in south-eastern Australia and south Western Australia, where the birds are is, you see, particularly people riding bikes where they all have little plastic spikes sticking out of their helmet.

Zip-lock- What are they called again?

Yeah, the zip lock, zip ties...

Yeah.

...Sticking out of the top of their helmet to prevent the birds from attacking the helmet, which I would have thought that was the purpose of the helmet, but. I want zip ties around my face and my neck thanks.

Yeah, I don't know. I like magpies, I think they're...

So, do I. They're cool birds and they're great fun. They've got one of the most beautiful calls, particularly when they go on a chorus where you get a family of them all singing to each other. It's a classically Australian sound, like the laughing kookaburra, which is that classically Australian sound that you cannot get- No other bird sounds anything like it.

It's a weird one, because I always see it in films that are filmed in jungles, right. And so...

Yeah, the old Tarzan movie supposedly in Africa, and they've got peacocks, which are Indian and kookaburras, which are Australian.

And you're just like, what the hell did you just...?

Hey, they're exotic noises. Yeah.

I know. But today, it's one of those things you can't get away with today because too many people are exposed to these sorts of animals and know. But even now, sometimes you hear the kookaburra in the background, and you're just like, mate, we're watching a movie about the Amazon. Like, what are you doing?

There's- The other one is there's a frog call, the nickname for this species of frog is the Hollywood frog, because it only occurs around Los Angeles.

But it's the classic frog call that you get in all of these movies because it's exotic...

And it's easy to get.

...You know, and it lives in this really small area around the city of Los Angeles.

Yeah, it is funny when you, as a biologist, start to pay attention to those sorts of things, animals and stuff used in films. I was watching Wolf Creek the other day, which is a sort of a horror thriller series and set of films in Australia about effectively based on Ivan Milat, who was the backpack serial killer that was in New South Wales, I think, was that the 90s. So, he would effectively abduct backpackers...

Hitchhikers...

...Give them a lift somewhere. Generally, I think quite a few were couples and he would just kill the guy and, you know, do whatever with the woman and then kill her. And eventually he got caught and sent to jail. But they based this wolf creek on that. So, if you guys like horror films and sort of these sort of slasher thriller movies, check it out because it's definitely full of good Australian slang. They really pumped that into it.

...Really Australianised it.

And it's hilarious because the actor is the main guy who is- I've forgotten his name, the guy that's, you know, murdering everyone. He was on better homes and gardens back in the day, which was this sort of like your back garden kind of TV show, right. I should do him a favour and look it...

John Jarratt.

John Jarratt. Yeah, so he's a great Australian actor, I really like him. And it's funny because you hear him talk normally and he just sounds like a general Aussie accent. But then when he's in Wolf Creek, it's much...

He's really aussified it.

Yeah, how's it going, mate? Yeah, and doing all of the like, just a few sheila's, she'll right, mate. You know, really turning it up because it's probably an American audience that loves it. Anyway, I was watching this film and they were in central Australia, and I saw my master's species, master's degree species that I was studying there. And I'm like, it's not found in that area.

They're coastal. Yeah.

They're not found in that area. And I was just thinking... (both talking)

...Actually filming it in Sydney.

Yeah. Well, they dragged some poor goanna out, someone's pet, put it in the desert and then were like, yeah, this looks right. And it was just funny because you're like, oh, damn it, you know, biology has ruined my film watching experience.

Yeah, well, you know, what can you do?

Yeah. Anyway, anything else to add for this episode?

Yeah. So, the sort of silly follow up story to this was that in New Zealand, they have a similar one. And there was this sort of controversial story that came out this year about the New Zealand, you know, favourite bird. In the list of finalists, they included a bat. And there's two sides to this argument, why not? It's not a bird. If they called it the most popular flying thing. That's fine, but.

And that's- I sit very clearly on the grumpy old fart scientist side of this that says, we have enough problems in our society with people misunderstanding science. But when we deliberately provoke the problem by putting us in, you know, well, yeah, sure, change the competition. Don't call a bird- a bird our favourite bird.

This is one of those broader things. I'm sort of on that, too, but this is like the whole trans issue, right. I mean, you know, this is sort of murky water to get into, but the- Politically correct culture today is just really requiring society to consider trans women, so people who were born male that became women, they need to be considered exactly the same as biological women.

And it's that same sort of argument for me, at least, where I'm like, look, I have no problem with them doing or being whoever they are, but don't get me to put them into a category where it's like these two things are not the same...

Yeah, exactly.

So, it's the same thing here. I'm sort of the same where it's like, if it's a bird competition and you put a lizard in there, it's like it's no longer a bird competition...

Exactly.

...Either change the name and the rules or you do not have the lizard in that competition.

I know. Yeah, it's the same thing. You sit there and go, which idiot decided this was a good thing to do? And interestingly, the ad- The ad? The story that I read about it didn't actually say who decided that they were going to put it in there. But I suspect that person has ducked for cover. If you'll excuse the bird pun there, but.

Well, and it's one of those things where your kind of like, we got bigger problems, surely, than to be arguing over whether or not a bat is in the bird competition. We do, so don't create the problem, you know?

And so, anyway, it turned out that this bat- Was it the long-eared bat?

Long tailed bat.

Long tailed- Sorry. Long tailed...

Pekapeka-tou-roa.

Yeah, the...

Maori name for it.

...Maori name. So, this is the only native mammal to New Zealand, right?

It's not the only one. Bats are the only...

Bats are the only...

Ironically, and again in the story, this is the only native land mammals because they have seals and or sea lions. They don't have seals in New Zealand. Neither do we in Australia, but we have sea lions or eared seals. And you look at them and go, this isn't a land animal. It hangs around in trees and it flies. It never actually- If it hits the ground, it's dead.

I guess it depends. It depends on how- Yeah, terrestrial. But it is weird that if you say it's a terrestrial animal, bats are terrestrial animal or a bird is, but a seal that comes up... (both talking)

...Spends 99% of its life... (both talking) ...on land.

But a penguin would be, right? Yeah.

Yeah.

And I didn't realise that they had Adelie penguins that were in the photo there.

Hang on, which...

New Zealand looks like they've got a few different species of penguin. I think Australians...

They have two or three.

...Right?

Yeah. Well, it depends. Yeah, New Zealand has lots of little offshore islands and things as well, but. Yeah, their main ones are the little penguins, same as Australia.

So, it's... (both talking)

...Yellow eyed penguin, which is from the deep south of New Zealand. I've seen them in the wild, they're really cute.

Yeah.

I was on a beach in- Right on the south of the South Island, as far south as you can go in New Zealand without being on Stewart Island, which is the forgotten, the third island at the bottom.

And your mum and I were just down there, you know, visiting this beach and I was photographing some oyster catchers, and this yellow eyed penguin just sort of leapt out of the water and walked about 10 metres away from me, walked straight past me up the beach.

I just went, what the!? And these are big, you know, they're not emperor penguins, but they're much bigger than what we call little penguins, so.

You've just blown my mind. I'm looking at a map here and I'm like, holy crap, New Zealand has three islands.

Yeah...

I thought it was two.

...Three major islands. Obviously, it's got lots of little ones, but.

Mind blown.

Yes.

...Stewart Island down the bottom is like this tiny- It's like... (both talking)

...The South Island and the far South Island.

Yeah, far out. So, yeah, New Zealand, was this really interesting- Was this really interesting country, or I guess, yeah, series of islands because it had no land mammals besides flying bats, right. So, when- Before European colonisation, although I don't know if the Maori's or the Polynesians brought pigs or anything like that with them when they came over.

But prior to human settlement of the island, and the Maori's only arrived about a thousand years ago, right?

Less than that, yeah.

Less than that, there were no mammals there. So, it is a really interesting sort of place in terms of wildlife, and I think they have a lot of issues biologically or ecologically with invasive species like the brushtail possum is a big problem there, and I think they also have- Not ferrets. What are the smaller ones than ferrets? Minks? No, even smaller...

Stoats.

Stoats.

Yeah.

Stoats are a big problem there, too, because the native wildlife that lives there is very naive to predators, having not evolved in the presence of all these other species. And so, these beautiful species, like the Kiwi and the kakapo, this huge parrot, right, which lives on the ground, I think.

Yes. Yeah.

They, and the kea as well. Have no real defence against rats and these other species. And I think that was a big problem with the, I don't know if it was the kea or the kakapo, but the rats were eating the eggs in their- Which tends to be a big issue on a lot of these islands. Lord Howe Island had the same problem with their birds being...

Kiwis as well, which are obviously non-flying birds.

It is- Yeah, I need to look more into that. It's like, how the hell did that thing end up there?

Yeah.

Because is it a ratite? Which is the family that...

Well, yeah, again, depends on which classification you read. I think some people say it is. Some people say it's different enough that it should be classified by itself, but. They also had moas, which are like giant emus...

Yeah.

...These monster birds that were three metres tall, three and a half metres tall.

And they should still be there, but for the fact that they were hunted to extinction by the Maori, I think, right?

Yeah, exactly. Well, you know, you got this giant, yeah, walking burgers.

That's it. Hey, food source.

They don't fly and they're not aggressive.

And if you want to see something really cool, look up mummified moa, M-O-A claw and they found the claw of one of these giant moas with skin and everything on it.

And it's just- It looks like, you know, a velociraptor foot...

Yeah.

...These huge claws.

Well, they are- Birds are living dinosaurs, so.

Yeah, and they had an eagle there, right, too. The world's largest eagle, I think, prior to- And they would have been predating upon I think the moa, they were killing the moa, and that was...

Pretty much.

...Why they went extinct after the moa went.

If you eat baby moas and there are no moas, then you're in trouble.

Yeah. So, it is nuts. I would love to go there just to see some of the wildlife...

New Zealand's a spectacular place. I love it. You know, I think I've used this story before that, you know, I've got so many American friends and relatives.

And, you know, with all due respect to all my friends and American friends and relatives, Americans have this sort of, you know, in some cases, admirable parochialism that I joke about with them and say, look, you guys are all born with a tattoo on your head that said, I was born on the greatest country in the world. And trust me, you weren't, go to New Zealand.

Yeah.

And I'm allowed to say that because I'm not a New Zealander, so I'm not being parochial about it is the- It is the most amazing place.

Yeah, well, I'll have to do it, I've only been to the...

So, after you come to Australia, have a little holiday in New Zealand.

Yeah, I've only been to the airport. I think it was Auckland, right, on the way to France or something.

No, it was on the way to the US.

Yeah.

We went in...

Yeah, right. Anyway, that's probably enough for this episode.

I'm not boring you, am I?

No, no, no... Yeah, long nights with my daughter at the moment.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Not as long as my wife's nights. Anyway...

Yes.

...Thanks for joining us, guys. And we'll see you in the next one.

See ya, guys.

Alrighty, you mob. Thank you so much for listening to or watching this episode of The Goss'. If you would like to watch the video if you're currently listening to it and not watching it, you can do so on the Aussie English Channel on YouTube. You'll be able to subscribe to that, just search "Aussie English" on YouTube.

And if you're watching this and not listening to it, you can check this episode out also on the Aussie English podcast, which you can find via my free Aussie English podcast application on both Android and iPhone. You can download that for free, or you can find it via any other good podcast app that you've got on your phone. Spotify, podcast from iTunes, Stitcher, whatever it is.

I'm your host, Pete. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you have a ripper of a day, and I will see you next time. Peace!