Transcript of AE 1141 - The Goss: Answering your Questions about the 2022 Federal Election

G'day, you mob. Pete here, and this is another episode of Aussie English. The number one place for anyone and everyone wanting to learn Australian English. So, today I have a Goss episode for you where I sit down with my old man, my father, Ian Smissen, and we talk about the week's news, whether locally down under here in Australia or non-locally overseas in other parts of the world.

And we sometimes also talk about whatever comes to mind, right. If we can think of something interesting to share with you guys related to us or Australia, we also talk about that in The Goss. So, these episodes are specifically designed to try and give you content about many different topics where we're obviously speaking in English and there are multiple people having a natural and spontaneous conversation in English.

So, it is particularly good to improve your listening skills. In order to complement that, though, I really recommend that you join the podcast membership or the Academy membership at AussieEnglish.com.au, where you will get access to the full transcripts of these episodes, the PDFs, the downloads, and you can also use the online PDF reader to read and listen at the same time.

Okay, so if you really, really want to improve your listening skills fast, get the transcript, listen and read at the same time, keep practising and that is the quickest way to level up your English. Anyway, I've been rabbiting on a bit, I've been talking a bit. Let's just get into this episode, guys. Smack the bird and let's get into it.

Okay. So, it is time for a little- Be careful with that, Dad. Bend it forward.

Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

I've got a cinder block here, guys, it's a large brick that has all of the marks attached to it.

Yes. All right, back again.

Yeah. So, a little Q&A here, we had a- I put up a quick thing on Instagram asking you guys if you had any questions about the election coming up. So, we'll just go through some of these. So, alright, Apu asks: "Liberal or Labour?"

Labour.

Yeah, we're laughing, assuming you've heard the previous episode. So, yeah.

Listen to the last 50 minutes...

We will be voting for Labour.

Well, I will be voting Labour and Green.

Yeah.

I'll vote Labour because I actually like our local member...

Yeah.

...Who is a Labour Party member?

Do you want to mention her name?

Libby Coker...

Yeah.

...For Corangamite.

Corangamite.

And I think she's done a good job as our local representative. And so, I'd like to support her. But in the upper house, in the Senate, I will vote Green because I think the Senate as a House of review on a philosophical basis, I believe that if it's just dominated by the two parties, then it's just a rubber stamp from the lower house.

Whereas if you've got a number of independents or minority parties there, then the House of Review actually gets some more minority voices heard, so.

All right. Yeah. So, I guess I'm sort of on board with that. I've always voted Labour and- Labour and Greens. I've never voted for the Liberal Party. But yeah, do you want to explain what the Greens are? A little bit about how they differ from Labour.

Well the Greens they're- Basically, it's environmental policy first...

Yeah.

...And then everything else is based around that.

And usually...

It's not environment only.

...Human rights as well, right? So, gay marriage...

Yeah, they tend to be higher on those sort of social justice, social awareness issues. But it's- They started off as a party of environmentalists...

Yeah.

...But it's much broader than that now.

All right. Are we able to watch the counting of the votes after the election?

Well, you can't actually physically watch the counting, as in the official count scrutineers or the counters actually picking the bits of paper out and counting them.

Yeah.

But there is live coverage typically on at least two commercial TV stations and the ABC, the government station, where they will be covering the count all night.

So, how long does it normally take?

Well, the counting officially starts as soon as the polls close, which is 6pm. Typically, we don't really get any reasonable numbers through for about 2 hours, because you only ever get when a particular polling booth. Now this is a bit more complicated because a polling booth is the physical location, like in our case, my case, the physical location is usually the local primary school, the one...

My primary school, right? Yeah. Surfside Primary School in Ocean Grove.

Yeah. And so...

Shout out.

...There'll be a couple of thousand people during the day who will go and vote at that particular polling place because there are other polling places in Ocean Grove. So, Ocean Grove there might be 7-or-8,000 people who are eligible to vote and there'll be two or three places that they could vote at. So, maybe 3-4,000 people maximum at any one polling place.

That polling place will count their votes and they will submit those to the Australian Electoral Commission, and the Australian Electoral Commission who are the organisation responsible for managing the election, they will then release those numbers to the media as soon as they've got them.

In addition to that, though, there are typically scrutineers from each of the major parties who will sit in those polling booths, and they know the result before the Electoral Commission even gets it. And they will then be ringing up their head office and the head office will then ring the media and so on.

But in a small, particularly in little country towns where there might only be 100 people, it takes 20 minutes to count and recount, make sure you've got it right. Whereas if you've got a few thousand, it could take you an hour or 2 hours to count them.

Yeah.

And in some of the, you know, city suburbs, there might be 5-or-10,000 people in a particular polling booth. And so, it could take a long time to get those through. And then you've got the case that we have three time zones in Australia as well. So, Western Australia is 2 hours behind the east coast, and so they will be 2 hours later, and so you never know a result quickly.

Typically you would know by about midnight you'd have a pretty good idea of where it's going to go and who's going to win.

And what do they normally do? They'll just be showing on the screen, right, when certain seats are won or lost and...?

Yeah...

...And tallying those up?

So yeah, there'll be a panel discussion and typically they'll have somebody from the left and somebody from the right and a political expert and, so they've got a balanced panel of people to talk about issues and things. Typically, the person, you know, the politician from the Labour Party and the politician from the National Liberal Party will just be telling you what a great job their people did and how crap the rest were.

And then- They all know each other and most of them are friends, so they're usually just taking the piss out of each other half the time. But then you'll get the political experts and Antony Green, who is a national hero in Australia, I think. He knows more about the election process than any other human being in Australia...

I'll have to look him up...

He's on the ABC. You will, you'll know him, everybody knows him. And...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

...Election he pops out on the ABC, and he'll tell you, you know, oh look, you know, these have come from this particular polling booth in this seat and they're always going to be biased this way and they always come in early, so don't take any notice of those. So, he has that level of detail. So, you get that sort of discussion. And but then they'll also do the continuous run in each state, they'll be doing the run through each.

And there, often it's just a scroll along the bottom of the screen. You're saying, yeah, you're looking at- where in an electrical Corangamite, so you wait for the "C"'s to come up, and then you watch it, watch it. Oh Corangamite. Libby Coker's leading. Right-o, go for it. You know, so. And then they'll pick out particular seats where there're marginal seats, where there're, you know-

The election is going to be won or lost on marginal seats. And so, they're the ones that the discussion will concentrate on.

We got Enda here saying: "We don't care, mate. Politicians are good liars. All of them are the same." Do you think they're all the same?

No, they're not all the same. But you know, we've spent 50 minutes ranting about some of the lies and the, you know, everything else that you get...

The game. The game...

I think that- Yeah, I think Billy Connolly's great line was, you know, was one of the best I've heard. And that is, "don't vote for them, it only encourages them."

And who is he? For anyone who doesn't know.

...Scottish comedian. Yeah.

Don't vote for them, that only encourages them.

Or the other one he used was, "anybody who wants to get into politics should be automatically exempt."

Or excluded. Yeah. Ramon here says: "How old do you have to be to vote? Is it 18 like in America?"

Yes, it's 18.

Yeah.

Yeah. And unlike in America, it's compulsory to register to vote. And you don't register with a party, like you do in America...

Yeah. Yeah...

...In Australia you register with the Australian Electoral Commission, and they then require you to vote and you get checked off when you go and vote. And so, the mandatory voting is something that is different in Australia from most places. I think we're one of about 16, I think it's 16 countries in the world that has it.

Do you find it sort of impolite or even rude to ask people about who they're voting for and why? In Australia is that a taboo when talking about these sorts of topics with people?

It's a sort of a generic taboo. I don't know...

Would you be offended if someone you didn't really know came up and asked you?

No, I wouldn't, but some people would.

Yeah.

And why do you think that is?

I don't know. I don't know. I think- That's a really interesting one because my parents never told- Well, my father voted informal, and he was happy to tell me that. My mother never...

Which means he didn't vote. Yeah.

He didn't vote. Yeah. My mother never told me who she voted for, although I could usually tell. She was a swinging voter, so I could usually tell who she was voting on based on what she was saying. But she would never tell me.

And she- And it's partly- I don't know whether it was that age of people, but I think it was partly the idea that, you know, voting is some sort of, it is a sacred and secret thing that you go into the thing and you're stand near a little cardboard box and nobody can see who you vote for. And you put, you know, you fold it up and you stick it in yourself. And so, it is that sort of secret.

But I don't know that who you vote for should be a secret.

I always thought for me it was more if it's going to affect the country...

Yeah.

...It shouldn't be something that is, you know- I mean, you're not- You shouldn't have to tell anyone, but I feel like you should at least have thought about it enough to be able to explain it to other people... (both talking)

...Number one next to.

Exactly. I feel like a lot of the time it's probably just a tap out where people don't necessarily want to be able to actually rationalise or justify who they're voting for. They just have a gut feeling and they don't want to be questioned about that.

I think it's that age old expression of, you know, three things you never discuss is sex, politics and religion...

And how the Ukrainian farmer got the tank.

Yeah, exactly. That is a great line.

You know, sex because most people find it embarrassing. Religion because most people don't want to talk about their private beliefs. And politics because it's just a good excuse for an argument. And I think that's part of the problem is that people don't- It's not that they don't necessarily want to tell you who they voted for. They just don't want you to disagree because they know it's just going to be an argument.

And so, people are just not interested in getting into that argument.

Again, my thing would be, you need to be able to navigate that for better or worse, right? Like- I feel like no matter how uncomfortable the other person is, there's always a way of having a conversation with them, right? No matter how annoying or belligerent they are, you can always still be polite and it's something you have to work on but still be able to be like, look, I'm happy to chat to you about this, but I don't want to get emotional.

I don't want you to get emotional. I don't want you to take anything personal, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, but people will take it personal if you- There's plenty of people, if you disagree with them, they take that personally.

Well, and I guess you give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong. Right. As opposed to assuming that everyone is always going to be an arsehole when they ask you about politics.

Yeah.

At least that's where I come from. I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to anything, which is why I'm so open about most things. I don't really have any subjects that I wouldn't talk to people about really, unless they were, you know, really, really private ones.

But then- I mean, but part of that, I think, is also your job. Your job is talking to people. Yeah. And so, you're interested in people's opinions and how they came up with those ideas and so on, whereas a lot of people just genuinely don't...

Give a shit.

Well, not even don't give a shit, but they just don't want to...

Yeah.

...The hassle of going through an argument.

Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, I mean, you know, and ultimately, it's up to you, but that's just, yeah. This is just my view. If anyone were to ever ask me about this sort of stuff, I have no personal issue or qualms talking about it because I'm also comfortable having my beliefs questioned and then having to either justify it or change my mind. So, yeah. But it's up to you.

Francesco here says: "Who is your preferred candidate? Do you know of family who won't vote?" Candidate-wise, I mean, local candidate would be Libby Coker*.

Coker.

Coker. See, I don't even really know their surnames and everything. I just know it's just a labour chick.

Yeah.

That's about as much attention as I pay to it, you know, and we all play this game differently. And then I guess, yeah, it's Anthony Albanese, although I'm not voting for him, effectively. Right. It's the head of the Labour Party...

...Your vote is going to contribute to him being the Prime Minister if Libby Coker gets in.

And we talked about this in the previous episode, at what level are you sort of worried about, you know, your vote counting? And at the moment, I don't even really- Besides the first names of, like, Libby, who I've pretty much learnt today, I don't really know the names of the local members running. I just know that I want Anthony Albanese and the Labour Party to be in control, not even because they're my favourite party.

Ideally, I would have the Greens in control, but that's just never going to happen. And so, you have to sort of make an educated decision based on the outcome that you want. And I- First and foremost is just I do not want the Liberals in control. I want to give Labour a chance to not screw things up as badly as the Liberals have...

It's not a very high bar.

Yeah. So, that's where I guess I'm at with this stuff. But I don't have like a specific candidate, you know, for their own reasons. Like, I just don't know enough about Libby besides the fact that she's Labour and I want Labour to be in power. So, yeah. What about you?

Yeah, same thing, I think I'm voting for Libby Coker in Labour in the Lower House. I have voted Greens before, knowing full well that in this electorate a Green, you know, candidate is never going to get in the Lower House in this electorate. It's just never going to happen. Whereas there are some where I think we have two in Victoria...

Yeah. In Melbourne, right?

...In Melbourne.

And that's Adam Bandt.

Yeah. And I can't remember the name of the other person. Nah, Melbourne.

Oh okay. So, just all of Melbourne. Okay, gotcha.

...Actual city of Melbourne.

Yeah. Okay.

And then I'll vote- Because we have two houses. I'll vote Greens in the...

Yeah. As you said.

...The Senate.

Silly sausage here says: "How is it possible that with a population of 25 million there aren't any better candidates?"

Party politics.

I think, yeah, because they end up doing other things. Yeah. I've had that...

...The really cool, smart people are university professors, they're doctors, they're lawyers, they're teachers, they're businesspeople. They're all so- There's a thousand other ways that people could be productive in our society...

Yeah.

...That don't have the hassle of being a politician.

Well, and I'm sure you've heard this before. I've had people before tell me, you should, you know, get interested in politics. And I'm like, yeah, fuck that. Like, that is the, you know, the most torturous thing I can imagine having to do is-

And I guess I- My firsthand sort of experience of this was seeing Peter Garrett, the lead singer of Midnight Oil, a band in Australia, that you guys will probably know if you know that; "how can we sleep when our beds are burning?" That song, "Burning Beds" or whatever it is. I can't even remember the name of the song, but yeah, "Beds Are Burning".

"Beds Are Burning".

But he ran and got elected and was in the Labour government and effectively got nothing done, right, and had to change his tune. "Midnight Oil" is renowned for being one of these very political bands, right, about as far left as you can get. Pro indigenous rights, anti-logging of trees, you know, they would sing about coal mines and the damage it was doing to people and climate change.

He was President of the Australian Conservation Society...

Yeah. So, massively left. But I remember him getting, I think he was effectively thrown under the bus, wasn't he? For a few tradies that died, and he was the head of the...?

He was the Minister for Environment when they had this big programme of putting insulation in ceilings, in houses, roofs in houses and the way it was administered by the government department responsible meant it was just paying a bunch of people who said they could do it and they weren't very good at doing it.

And a couple of people got electrocuted because they weren't aware that there was live electric wires in the ceilings of houses, so.

Yeah, but anyway, long story short, I remember seeing him- It blew my mind firstly that he would go into politics, but he obviously started from a place of wanting to- He wanted to make a difference, for Indigenous people, for climate, for the average Australian. He wanted to make a difference.

But then seeing him go in and effectively achieving fuck all and, you know, from memory, seeing him being interviewed during it and hearing his- You could clearly see that he was restrained, effectively not able to talk about the issues that he wanted to as openly and honestly as he wanted to. And it just seemed to have a big impact on him, I think probably at a personal level, as well as a public level.

And just thinking, well, if someone like that goes into politics and is effectively ruined by it, or at least, you know, 1) achieves nothing. And 2) is kind of like trampled on and treated like crap. And, you know, what is the point? Like, what am I going to be able to achieve and why would I want to put myself into a position to suffer like that?

Exactly.

Yeah, so it is- Like I ditched academia because I felt like there were just too many egotistical arseholes in academia. And I can't imagine being in politics because it would all just be games constantly, I imagine. No matter what party you're in...

It's all a numbers game, literally, and that's what it is.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's why I would never personally run. And yeah, I think why so many decent people, the kinds of people that you would probably want to be Prime Minister never end up prime minister because they're kind of like, fuck this. Like this- I don't want to have to play the slimy games that I would have to in order to end up in power and then be restrained and not be able to actually do anything once there, right.

Because even with Scott Morrison, I bet he's not able to do most of what he probably wants to be able to do because of the people pulling the strings behind the scenes in the Liberal Party. And so, yeah, it just ends up this thing of like why would you choose to do that if your goal wasn't just getting your face in front of the camera and being the most powerful person in Australia, at least on the books? Anyway, rant over.

This one comes from Ibrahim: I got my citizen this year- This citizen- "I got my citizenship this year. So, do I have to vote?"

Congratulations. Yes, you do.

Yep.

You need to be registered to vote. And you- As part of that citizenship process, you would have been, I presume, given a registration form for that.

What happens if you didn't? So, you went through the citizenship process, or you've just turned 18...

And if you are not...

...Aren't registered, what can you do? Who can you talk to, to get registered?

Just call the Electoral Commission.

Yeah.

There are- Depending on where you live, obviously in the major cities, there are electoral commission offices, you can literally walk in there and register to vote.

You pretty much only have to give them ID and your address and they will...

Yes.

...That's it. They'll tell you this is where you need to vote on what day, and then that's it. You just show up... (both talking)

...The Electoral Commission gets an automated feed from birth, deaths and marriages and immigration, I think, for dates of birth.

Okay.

So, you know, births, deaths and marriages, obviously. And you would have received it, Pete, on your 18th birthday you would have been sent a letter from the electoral commission saying, please register. Fill in this form.

Yeah.

And that's you fill in your form and sign, yeah, I agree to the conditions. You're done. So, that's the case. So, it's compulsory to be registered to vote. And once you are registered to vote, it is compulsory to vote.

Yeah. And if you don't, you'll get fined about $30...

...For not doing either of those things. Yes.

Elmada says- Well, actually, it's probably 'Elam'. "Who's going to win?"

I was- I'm the worst person to give you this because I got it wrong for about the last four elections. So, just whatever Dad says, go with the opposite.

I'm not going to answer it.

Yeah, you'll jinx it. No. Who do you think is going to win? I mean, as much as you want Labour to win, do you think they will?

There's part of me that says I want them to. Therefore, I'm biased. I also- And it's not even from the which side of politics I sit on. I also cannot believe that a party that has been so bad could possibly get re-elected.

It's one of those things you're like, I have- I want to have faith in the average Australian seeing the Liberal Party and Scott Morrison for the fools that they are.

Exactly.

And just even if they were conservative... (both talking)

...A few marginal seats to not vote...

Yeah.

...Liberal National.

But a few times you, or in general have thought, yes, they're definitely going to vote these idiots out and they end up getting through... (both talking)

...The unwinnable election.

Yeah. And you're just like, what? How does Scomo...

Well, Scomo fell over the line because Bill Shorten, who was the Leader of the Opposition at the last election, he went hard on having a detailed policy set, most of which made perfect sense if you had the hour to read and think and contemplate them and most people don't care.

Yeah.

They just want the 10 second grabs on the 6:00 news.

So, you think- Obviously, you would like Labour to win, but you think the Liberals will win again because...

Nah, I don't think they will.

You don't reckon?

I Can't- But I didn't think Trump could possibly win.

I know, again...

It was impossible, but it happened.

Pulling a Bradbury. Doing a Bradbury, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. Look that up, guys. That's a good bit of Australian history.

Australian history.

He was the, I guess for anyone who can't be fucked looking it up...

Speed skater.

...Speed skater on ice who was coming last in the...

In the final.

Which, Olympics was it? The 2000 Olympics?

I can't remember.

Actually, it would have been the Winter Olympics, right? So, it was probably 2002 or 2006 and he ended up staying behind and his goal was to just stay out of the way and hope they fell over...

And hope he got a medal.

...And everyone fell over and he got gold.

I think it was- And Stephen, if you're listening, and I doubt whether you are, but I don't want to paraphrase you. But I think the strategy was, if one person in front of me falls over, I win a medal because it's only four people in the final.

Yeah.

And...

He just stayed out of the way.

...Fell over.

Yeah, they got greedy.

This one comes from Red Coriander: "Why do Australians think Peter Dutton is a boofhead? And what's a 'boofhead'?"

Boofhead.

It's a polite way of calling someone a "fuckhead", right?

Yeah. Boofhead.

Or a dickhead.

Dickhead. Fathead. Boofhead.

Yeah. It's a polite way of calling someone an idiot.

Typi- Yeah, but it's not just an idiot. It's an idiot who is overconfident, blustering, never justifies what they say. They have- They usually have controversial views...

I'd almost say it's endearing, too, which I wouldn't use "boofhead", I'd call him a fuckhead. I wouldn't call him a boofhead.

But yeah, Mr. Potato Head.

Yeah. I mean...

Why? Because he's all of those things. I think he's- He doesn't seem to give honest answers to anything.

No.

He runs the party line and he's- I think he's also nasty. And you get that impression from the way he deals with some things...

He's just one of those guys you could just see the moment he starts talking...

If he was your next-door neighbour, you'd move.

Yeah. He just doesn't seem like a decent person.

Yeah. We're slandering a whole lot of people today. This is...

I don't know. Hopefully we don't get sued, right? I guess this is all alleged.

...I don't have.

Yeah, allegedly. Yeah, but Dutton, I don't know. I've seen some stuff where- Firstly he's worth about, you know, half a billion dollars which makes you think just, like, how on earth did that happen? You know, Jesus Christ. I think it's the real estate, too.

I don't know. I don't know anything about his private life.

I'm pretty sure. Yeah. So, yeah, there's just a lot to it. I don't know. And he just- One of the biggest things was I think he handed out a massive security, you know, like $150 million grant to a security company for Nauru. And I believe there is a young lady with the surname Dutton who works for that company. And so, you're just like, really? Like really? And it turns out, like, if they were paying...

...Holding about 50 people there.

Yeah. And if they were paying the people that were working there based on the money that was being spent, the average security guard would be making over $1,000 a day, and your just like, I don't know. So, look into it. But yeah, I don't know. He just seems like a very untrustworthy kind of person. I just get a bad vibe. Just a bad vibe.

"Do you think Scomo will win the election?" This one comes from Haad.

Sorry, Haad. No. For all the reasons above.

Yeah, I guess that's it with questions. Anything else you want to add?

Uh, no. I think I'm done.

Yeah, that's it. All right, well, thanks for joining us, guys...

Thanks, everyone.

See you later.

Bye.