Transcript of AE 1281 - Expression: Not Here to Fuck Spiders

G'day, you mob and welcome to Aussie English! I am your host, Pete. And my objective here is to teach you guys the English spoken Down Under. So whether you want to sound like a fair dinkum Aussie, or you just want to understand what the flipping hell we're on about when we're having a yarn, you've come to the right place. So sit back, grab a cuppa and enjoy Aussie English. Let's go!

G'day, you mob! How's it going? Welcome to this episode of Aussie English, the number one place for anyone and everyone wanting to learn Australian English. I am your host, Peter Smissen, and I hope you guys are having an absolute ripper of a weekend.

So what have I been up to? So this weekend we've sort of been hanging out with the family a bit. Had my mum's 67th birthday, so we caught up with her and uh, my kids and my sister's family and her kids as well. Yesterday at Mum and Dad's place. That was good fun. Had some Mexican, that was beautiful.

So I think dad cooked up some nachos for the kids. And then we had some sort of, it was like halfway between a, a soft taco and a burrito, right, in terms of size. And you could kind of do what you want with it. So it was effectively like soft, soft tacos, but they were slightly bigger than that.

I'm not sure. There'll be a technical term, right. Whether or not it's actually Mexican, I don't know. But yes, we had fish and chicken soft taco slash burritos yesterday and that was, um, that was good fun!

Uh, besides that, news wise, my wife got her license a while back. Finally. So about. Jeez, that would have been the end of April. I haven't talked about it yet, but I need to do an episode with her on getting her license. And she also got her citizenship a few months before that. So I need to get around to doing those episodes.

Anyway, before we get into today's episode, guys, if you want to support the podcast whilst also levelling up your English, be sure to check out the Premium Podcast membership at AussieEnglish.com.au/podcast.

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And for less than a dollar a day, you can support the podcast whilst also levelling up your English. Okay, so jump on the sheep and let's get into today's Q&A. The question and answer.

So this one comes from Hiramasa2. And this was a personal question more directed at me than about Australia or English. But you know, I thought it was awesome worth talking about. "What made you decide not to pursue an academic career after obtaining your degrees?"

So I'll try and do this as quickly as possible, because I'm sure I could devote an entire episode to it. But I did my undergraduate degree in science and biology at Melbourne University, and then I did a master's degree in evolution and biology, and then a PhD in evolution, genetics, biology, that sort of stuff.

And then in the, in the PhD, whilst I was doing that, I started up Aussie English. I got into learning languages. If you've been here since the beginning, you'll know that I was learning French at the time and I love the podcast Francais Authentique, "authentic French". I was learning and chatting to a lot of French people and they were like, How do I find a podcast like this for Australian English? Because I'm having trouble with that.

So I started Aussie English as a result, and it was just way more satisfying helping people, right? With science, you end up a lot of the time on your own, uh, at a desk doing academic research and not, you know, field work as well. And not really interacting with a lot of other people, let alone, uh, helping them, right.

Whereas with Aussie English, as it grew pretty quickly, initially I got so many messages and comments and, you know, emails and stuff from you guys saying thank you. You know, you're making a difference. You're helping me learn Australian English, learn the culture, integrate everything like that. So it was way, way, way more satisfying, um, doing this than, um, doing science. So, I took a leap of faith.

And after my PhD, I started this full time and haven't looked back since, to be honest. So hopefully that answers the question, Hiramasa! Anyway, smack the bird and let's get into today's joke!

Okay, so today's joke is related to the expression, right? I tried to connect the two. So here's the joke. "Why are spiders such good web developers?" "Why are spiders", you know, eight legged arachnids, "such good web developers?" "Because they love finding bugs!"

You get it? "Because they love finding bugs." Okay, so a 'bug' is a small insect. Spiders love eating bugs. They catch bugs in their web, right?

But a 'bug' in terms of, say, web developing and the internet and computers. A 'bug' can be an error in a computer program or system. So we need a 'developer' to fix this 'bug'. Does the program still have a lot of bugs? Okay, so there's the joke. The pun was on the word 'bug', a small insect, or an error in a computer program or system.

"Why are spiders such great web developers?" "Because they love finding bugs." Okay! [That was good, wasn't it? Was good for a bit of a giggle, anyway.].

Okay, so today's expression is a bit of a vulgar one, but I wanted to share this because I like it, and it kind of demonstrates the crass and funny humour that many Australians have. Okay, that informal, vulgar type humour that I feel is quite unique to Australia compared to, say, somewhere like Britain and the United States. Again, you know, born and raised here. So I'm biased, but from the outside looking in on those countries, they don't seem to have that same type of humour or vulgarity that we have.

So today's expression is "to not be here to fuck spiders", right? "Not here to fuck spiders." But before we get into that, let's go through the different words and what they mean in this expression. [Youse. Collective noun. All of your friends.].

Okay, so the word 'not'. This is used as a function word to make a negative. I'm sure you will know what this word is. "I am NOT going to delay this project any longer." "He's NOT going to hurt you." "He's NOT going to the beach," right.

'Here'. The word 'here'. Again, you'll know this one. This is an easy one: in this place, at this location. "Are you HERE yet?" "We're HERE at the concert waiting for you." "We're HERE. Where are you?"

Then the verb 'to fuck'. Okay, so this is obviously where the expression becomes vulgar. We're using an informal, rude word 'to fuck', which is a synonym for to have sex, right? To engage in sexual activities with something or someone. Hopefully someone, not something. But if it's a spider, it's something. So, uh. I'm trying, you know, "We caught two teenagers fucking behind the shed", right? There you go.

I feel so bad swearing, guys. It's one of those weird things. I swear so much more in person with people. I'm a lot more informal. But when it comes to writing podcasts and, and swearing in them, um, especially when doing these episodes, the guys, I don't mind it as much, but in these episodes, it always feels weird when I bring in swear words. Anyway, moving on.

A 'spider'. I'm sure you'll know what a spider is. It's a type of arachnid. It typically has eight legs. You know, they have eight eyes and they catch a lot of bugs, right? Many scientists love studying spiders.

Okay, so the expression 'to not be here to fuck spiders'. "We're not here to fuck spiders, mate." It's a colourful and somewhat vulgar way of saying that you aren't here to waste time and that you know you have to get serious. You have to do things more efficiently. "We're not here to fuck spiders." So it's sort of like, stop mucking around, stop wasting time. And it's used to express a focus on productivity and a no nonsense approach to tasks at hand, right. So, "We're not here to fuck spiders."

It's the kind of thing tradies would say to each other. You'd say, obviously you would avoid using this at work in formal situations. But if you're with friends, if you're at, you know, well, if you're at work and it's an informal type environment, then yeah, you may hear this and you may use it. And as I always say, guys with the rude expressions, rude slang terms, if you don't want to use them, don't use them. But it's good to know what they mean and the context of how they're used by Australians.

So let's go through three examples of how I would use this expression 'not here to fuck spiders'. So perfect example. As I mentioned before, tradies, right, this one. We're at a construction site in Brisbane. A new worker is taking their time setting up. He's chatting on the phone. He's slacking off. Maybe he's having a smoko early. You know, he's just got to work and he's pulled out a cigarette already and he's on the phone chatting to his mates, and the foreman might walk over and be like, "Mate, we're not here to fuck spiders. Let's get cracking. We've got to smash this workout."

"We've got to get this done. We're not here to fuck spiders, okay?" "Can you get off the phone? Put your ciggie out, put your smoke out, and let's get back to work. Not here to fuck spiders, okay."

All right. Example number two. Now we'll go to Melbourne. All right. We're in an office meeting in one of the huge skyscrapers in Melbourne. The team is gathered to brainstorm some ideas for a new marketing campaign, and some team members start drifting off topic, discussing unrelated weekend plans. And I've just realised that, um, obviously, this is kind of a a formal setting. You probably wouldn't use this in an office again unless you really, you really knew the people you were with and that swearing would be okay. But yeah, typically I would avoid it, okay. Okay. So yeah, probably don't use it at the office.

But in this example imagine you're the team leader and you cut in and you say, "Come on everyone, it's time to focus. We're not here to fuck spiders. Let's get on topic. Let's come up with some solid strategies to smash this workout." And hopefully, if you use the expression 'we're not here to fuck spiders', you won't get a call from HR Human Resources later being like, You need to come in and talk to us about your potty mouth, about the dirty language you used in the meeting.

Example number three. Okay, you're a barista at a Sydney cafe, right? You're working again. These sort of restaurant hospitality environments are quite often stressful and people are pretty informal. So you may hear swearing from time to time. So the context is maybe, you know, it's the morning, it's the rush hour. There's a new barista who's overwhelmed and everyone else is slowing down, you know, piss farting around, wasting time, maybe chatting a little too much and not concentrating on what they're meant to be doing. So you or the manager might step in and be like, "Guys, we're not here to fuck spiders. There's a queue outside the door. Let's get back to work."

And again, because we're using the word 'fuck' here in this expression, it's the kind of phrase that you would use if you were at a, say, a cafe or a restaurant and you were working there and it was okay, you know, assuming that there's this kind of like agreement among you that vulgar, informal language is, okay, you would use this under the circumstances of, say, the the customers not being able to hear you. That's where it would be inappropriate, right? You wouldn't just walk out and be like, "We're not here to fuck spiders" in front of the, you know, the entire restaurant or cafe because, because, yeah, you would turn some heads. They would get confused. Okay.

So hopefully now, guys, you understand the expression 'not here to fuck spiders'. It's a colourful and somewhat vulgar way of saying that you're not here to waste time. You need to get serious about getting things done efficiently. You need a focus on productivity and getting the task at hand done. Okay, "Look, guys, we're not here to fuck spiders", okay?

So let's get into today's pronunciation exercise. [Would you like a car-donay, Kylie? Cardonay? No, the correct pronunciation is chardonnay. Mum, it's French! The H is silent. Back me up here, Kylie!] So as usual, guys, this is where I'm going to say out loud. Well, obviously say out loud a bunch of words and phrases and your your goal here should be to listen and repeat these out loud as best you can in my Australian accent. Obviously, if you're listening to this podcast and just enjoying it and you don't really care about learning Australian English, do it in whatever accent you want. Just use the words and the phrases as a prompt, you know, for you to then speak out loud and practice your speaking. So are you ready? Let's do it.

Not. Not here. Not here to. Not here to fuck. Not here to fuck spiders. Not here to fuck spiders. Not here to fuck spiders.

I'll do it quickly. Now you'll notice the T at the end of the word not will disappear. /Not◡ere to fuck spiders/. /Not◡ere to fuck spiders/. So that T turns into a t flap. /Not/ /here/, /not◡ere/, /not◡ere/. And the H disappears from the word 'here'.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's keep going.

I'm not here to fuck spiders, mate. You're not here to fuck spiders, mate. He's not here to fuck spiders, mate. She's not here to fuck spiders, mate. We're not here to fuck spiders, mate. They're not here to fuck spiders, mate. It's not here to fuck spiders, mate.

Okay. So let's talk a little bit about what's going on there, connected speech wise obviously with the words 'not' and 'here'. When you say this quickly in a phrase and you're speaking that phrase, obviously you would turn the T into a T flap and the H disappears at the start of 'here', and it becomes /not◡ere/ /not◡ere/. So we're using that T flap to link the two words /not◡ere/, /not◡ere/, /not◡ere/. "Where is he? Yeah. He's not◡ere." "He's not◡ere." "We're not◡ere to fuck spiders." "We're not◡ere." "We're not◡ere."

Okay. So practice that. It's a great way to sound Australian if you can nail it. The other thing to mention is I put the word 'mate' at the end of the phrase here is if you're talking to someone and you're saying, you know, "I'm not here to fuck spiders", "You're not here to fuck spiders", "He's not here to fuck spiders." And then you're using the word 'mate'. And notice we mute the T at the end of the phrase here, /ma(t)e/ instead of /maTe/.

'Mate' to kind of add a bit of informality to it, and a bit of friendliness, you know, depending on the context. "We're not here to fuck spiders, mate." So as opposed to just "We're not here to fuck spiders". Okay? So hopefully that helps.

Before we leave this little section, guys, if you want to level up your pronunciation, be sure to check out my Australian Pronunciation course. You can get access to this at AussieEnglish.com.au/apc100. If you use that link with the ending URL, there is APC 100. You will save $100 off the normal price of the course.

The course is separated into three sections. The first section, you learn how to use the International Phonetic Alphabet to more quickly master Australian English pronunciation. In the second section, you learn all of the different sounds in Australian English, the vowels and the consonants, and you get loads of exercises and tutorials to really master those. And then in the third section, it's all the more advanced stuff, like the T flap that we talked about, or the H disappearing, or the T being muted at the end of the word mate. It's those advanced aspects that will really make you sound more like an Aussie. Okay, so go check that out. AussieEnglish.com.au/apc100. [That's not a nice. That's a knife.] [Here, there's no cash. All right. Cash? No! Robber. No cash.] [You're terrible, Muriel. Tell him he's dreaming.].

So the last section here guys, we are going to have a little look at a clip from a classic Aussie film called Two Hands. I think this is one of Heath Ledger's first movies that he kind of broke out with. Uh, the excerpt is "19 year old strip club promoter Jimmy", who is Heath ledger, "is just scraping by in a red light district of Sydney when a local crime lord, Pando", played by Bryan Brown, "offers him a shot at working for his syndicate. Jimmy jumps at the chance to deliver a costly package, but when Jimmy gets jacked by a couple of kids, he's indebted to the dangerous gangster for $10,000." Okay, so go check it out. It's also got famous Aussie actor Rose Byrne in this movie as well.

So the rules of the game. I'm going to play the clip for you two times, and your goal is to listen and then write down what you hear being said. So get a piece of paper or print out today's free worksheet that you can download via the website or in the description. And there's a little section at the bottom that will be a space for you to write it out. And obviously if you need to listen multiple times, you can rewind and do that.

Lastly, listen out for these two great Aussie expressions. You'll hear Rose say "pretty much" and "muck around". Okay, so see if you can listen and work out the context that those are used in. So you're ready to go. Here's the first playthrough.

So you're from the country, eh? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, what's it like out there? Oh, I dunno. Less buildings, more cows. You got a horse? You ride? No, no. Then what do you do? Um. Uh, not much really. Just muck around, you know, it's pretty boring. Yeah.

Good job. How'd you go? Did you get all of it? Time for the second playthrough.

So you're from the country, eh? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, what's it like out there? Oh, I dunno. Less buildings, more cows. You got a horse? You ride? No, no. And what do you do? Um. Uh, not much really. Just muck around, you know, it's pretty boring. Yeah.

Awesome work guys. So, yeah, I forgot to mention, if you want the answer, obviously, if you're a Premium Podcast member, you will see it in the transcript. And if you aren't, you can get the free PDF download by downloading it from today's episode description or on the website, and you will see the answer at the bottom of the PDF.

Anyway, I'm your host, Pete. Thank you so much for joining me, guys. I hope you have an awesome weekend and I will chat to you next time. Tooroo!